Kate & Emily

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WHY WE KNOCKED UP THIS WEBSITE...

Welcome to our web site. Its aim is to offer practical support for single parent mothers & fathers. We are two regular folk who have found ourselves single parents. We are both utterly amazed to this day that we are in this grouping. Although we would fight tooth and nail to admit that this is a defining part of ourselves, we do secretly acknowledge that recognising this fact is pretty important when it comes to dealing with ‘stuff’. We're working, fun-loving, marginally eccentric, busy, smiley, mothers who don't live with the children's father (just cats, dogs, fish and rabbits).

Kate & Emily aims to offer single parents practical tools and a refreshing antidote to all the preconceptions which surround this status. We hope to offer a place where families can benefit from relevant advice, as well as a mechanism to get them together, and have fun.

Our realisation that you don't have to have hit rock bottom to find a bit of help and discussion with other single parents valuable, has lead to the development of this website. Here you can read articles that give food for thought and practical ideas. There are worksheets to get you working out for yourself what is right for you and your family. If you can root out someone else in a similar position to you to do the worksheets with you then so much the better. We all benefit form having someone else to bounce ideas off!

We've organised the articles and worksheets under the categories on the left, so have a browse. There's a discussion forum for posting your Dear Kate & Emily problem and getting ours, and others advice - join in and share your top tips!

WHO WE ARE

Kate Ford is 44 years old, divorced and has two small children. They live in a happy state of mayhem with Tiger (the cat) and a new puppy. She graduated from Bath University in 1984 and spent 15 years working as a UK equity fund manager in the City. She left the City after the birth of her son and now that he has started school she is throwing herself in to Kate & Emily. She cites her hobbies as karaoke, laughing, food & wine and generating a trail of mess! Emily Abbott was born and brought up in South London, with a brief excursion to Oxford Brookes University from where she graduated in 1987. She has spent much of her working life in market research, though latterly she has been specialising in coaching, training, and group facilitation. Emily is 42, divorced, and lives in Wandsworth with two 'lively' (arghhh!) children. Unlike Catherine she doesn't enjoy karaoke (being tone-deaf). However, on the upside, she does remarkably well at laughing, enjoying life and finding her way through the trail of mess! Our core principles encapsulate the essence of what we are trying to achieve, here they are.....

KATE & EMILY CORE PRINCIPLES Kate & Emily aims to encourage all family members to put the interests of children at the top of the pyramid. We hope to create a hymn sheet so that all those involved in the unit will be singing the same song and thus create a stable, secure, and happy family whatever the shape. As such we feel it necessary to state the core beliefs that we consider are important so that a consistent message is relayed to all our users be they mothers, fathers living with or apart from their children, grandparents or step parents within our groups and seminars.

• The interests of the children and the quality of their childhood come first The most effective way that this can be achieved is by minimising stress and conflict in children’s lives. Adjustment to change needs to be managed and ongoing communication with them in an appropriate way encouraged. All children need boundaries, love, security, warmth, example, consistency, and direction. Parents are the adults who should be encouraged to try and see things from the children’s perspective and respect their need for their other parent (be they involved, absent or dead), and never just assume that they are OK.
• We all need family, the shape is irrelevant Families are vital for children to flourish. The shape and size is irrelevant but families provide a sense of belonging and security Try and look at all family members and include where possible As our families are more widespread it may be appropriate to include friends and other good and constant role models into extended families. Rituals, traditions, and involvement in each other’s live builds up a support network of interdependence which provides security and a sense of belonging.
• Look after yourself Find ways to work through what has happened away from the children. Find ways to cope, relax enjoy and laugh whilst striving to develop a well-balanced future for yourself. If you are not looking after yourself emotionally and physically you may are not doing your best for your family.
• Abandon Single Parent guilt forever All children will struggle with some issues and all parents can use some advice and support from time to time. Don’t waste energy feeling sorry for yourself and your children, there are many many children who have learned from difficult challenges, and who have become happy well rounded adults.
• Learn, prepare and anticipate You may feel like you don’t need any support. Maybe your children are very young or everything seems to be working .By being prepared and equipping yourself with knowledge and the benefit of others experience you hope to make it easier when the more challenging times come along.
• Recognise and accept a few basic principles The single parent experience is not going to go away, happiness is not about finding a spouse and even when you find a new partner (if you haven’t already) your children will need help incorporating the changes in your life. Being a single parent is not synonymous with failure. Understand that your efforts can make a massive difference to your children and that the negative picture so often painted by statistics and your imagination can be overcome