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KATE & EMILY CO-PARENTING FORM

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Here are the areas that you and your co-parent should think about and talk about  together, to help you both bring up your children as mum and dad working together.  You can print off a more detailed version to fill in if you click on the attachment 'KATE & EMILY'S CO-PARENTING FORM' at the bottom of this.

REMEMBER:  Be honest with your answers, nothing is gained from secrecy or leaving things unsaid. Once you have both filled it in you need to go through them together and combine those areas that you can agree on, and compromise on the ones you don’t.

YOUR PARENTING OBJECTIVES

Q1   Write down how you would describe what your objectives are as a parent. What are they in the long term? And what are your immediate parenting objectives for this coming year? My long-term parenting objectives are ...... For the year they are......

 COMMUNICATIONS

Q2   What is your preferred way of communicating with your ex about….

  • Money
  • Divorce or legal issues
  • Day-to-day stuff about the children
  • Concerns about the children
  • Long term plans for the children (eg schools, college)
  • Logistics of children’s visits
  • You – what your plans are, new partners, new job etc

 IF YOU’RE THE PARENT THE CHILDREN LIVE WITH:

Q3   How would you like your ex to keep in touch with the children? Think through the following:

  • What would be the best way of keeping in touch with them (phone, email, text, visiting)
  • Any  particular time of day?
  • Any particular day of the week?
  • Is it better as regular or irregular contact?

 IF YOU’RE THE LIVE–AWAY PARENT:

Q4   How would you like to communicate with your children? Think through the following:

  • What would be the best way of keeping in touch with them (phone, email, text, visiting)
  • Any particular time of day?
  • Any particular day of the week?
  • Is it better as regular or irregular contact?

 GOING TO STAY WITH LIVE-AWAY PARENT CREATION OF SCHEDULE

Q5   Think about the schedule for the children’s visits to the live-away parent. When you’re discussing the schedule is it easier to plan for just a term at a time, a whole year, to be more flexible etc etc? Do you need more warning about what the schedule will be? Do you need to have things finalised a week or month in advance? Write these restrictions down and explain why.

 CHANGING ARRANGEMENTS

Q5b   Now do the same for changing arrangements. When do you need to know by? How flexible can you be? Why?

 AREAS OF COMMON PARENTING

Q6   Which areas of parenting do you want your ex to support you on? Remember each home is allowed to be different but there might be some things that happen in the other home that affects yours. For example, late nights affecting the children’s performance at school, or at sports events. A list of common co-parenting areas might include:

  • The level of independence the children should have
  • Mobile phones
  • School events / parent’s evenings
  • Sex, drugs and rock n roll
  • Homework done at weekends
  • Friday’s uniform back clean for school on Monday
  • Disciplining bad behaviour, anger etc

Make your own list of areas that you view as being common areas of interest that you want to share with your ex. These headings might help…

  • Discipline & rewards
  • Behaviour
  • Education
  • Moral code / principles
  • Other

 INTRODUCING NEW PARTNERS

Q7   When would you imagine introducing your new girl / boy friend to your children? This might be hypothetical but think it through. What’s your view on when it’s a good time? Why?

 Q7b   When would you want your ex to introduce their new girl / boy friend to your children? This again might be hypothetical but think it through. What’s your view on when it’s a good time? Why?

 Q7c   Are there any differences in the 2 approaches you wrote down above? If so can you explain them sensibly? If not, start again and come up with a sensible approach - take your feelings out of it.

CO-PARENTING REVIEWS

Q8   How frequently would you like to meet up to discuss the children? What would you put on the agenda? Would you put any of these on your agenda….?

  • Education
  • Sports / hobbies
  • Achievements
  • Behaviour
  • Parenting things you're trying to do
  • Share parenting tips of things that you’ve found worked (or didn’t) with the children
  • Anything on the horizon? Exams, holidays, sports fixtures etc

What else would you put on your list?

 Q9   Where would you like to have this meeting? In your house, their house, out somewhere? Over a coffee, a drink, a meal?

 COMPLAINTS PROCEDURE

Q10   There will always be a time when things will go wrong between you. The trick is to get back on track ASAP. If your ex had a complaint to make about you, or something was bugging them, how would you like to hear about it? How would you like them to deal with it?

Q10b   Check what you’ve written. Have you asked for the impossible? Could you behave like this too? If you couldn’t then it’s unrealistic to expect your ex to. You either need to review your complaints procedure, or recognise it as behaviour you’d like to be on the receiving end of so you’d better make yourself behave like it too.

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